My friends dating my ex

Advice for “My Ex and My Best Friend Are Dating!”

Well, I broke that rule. Kind of. And even though I "kinda, sorta" broke that rule, I'm not a terrible person, and I'm tired of being shamed for breaking a rule that doesn't even actually exist. Once upon a time, I had a best friend. She had a boyfriend. She and I were close for a few years, a couple of which were when she was with said boyfriend, until one day we got into an argument which turned into a huge blowout. After that day, we never spoke to each other again except for once, when literally 3 text messages were exchanged.

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You never think anything could breakup you and your best friend, but you could be wrong. Everyone has unspoken rules or guidelines around what is and is not okay to do in their friendship, otherwise known as bro or girl code. These guidelines might be as harmless as not giving unsolicited advice to more serious deal breakers like not abandoning your intoxicated friend at a party. While we can all agree the ex-files is not territory we should be steering into, sometimes life happens and we fall for people unexpectedly. Beyond mutual unhealthiness, was their relationship abusive?

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Woe Is Me! My ex, my best friend, and I, are all part of a close-knit friend group. It was my best friend who had actually told me that my ex liked me. Throughout the time I dated him, I had my suspicions about their dynamic, as they were a little too close.

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When our friend dates our ex, is it OK, and can we be upset about it?

Humans love to feel in control of the uncontrollable, which, incidentally, is pseudo-control. Comforting, sure, but nonetheless an illusion. Take breakups. Who moves on first, how happy we are. Thinking that our ex got or will get their comeuppance.

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