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LoginIf dating in middle school terrifies you, take stock of your concerns. Instead, choose the top one or two to discuss calmly and without criticism. Whenever your child wants something, they are more open to listening to you. Use that to your advantage. If you react reasonably, with a willingness to learn and be flexible, your child will trust your judgment and continue to seek your advice as the issues around dating become increasingly complex. Your tween might show an interest in being more than friends with someone they know. This is one of many signs your tween is entering adolescence.
For me, it was Chase. My first Middle School crush, straight out of a romance novel: curly locks, football muscles, bad boy attitude, and the ability to bring most parents to their knees. But more than the memory of him is the memory of the feelings evoked by his arrival: the flutter of my heart, the excitement of feeling valued, the comfort of belonging, and the safety of acceptance during those rocky Middle School years. A time when the greatest question being posed is: Am I good enough? They never missed an event, spent a lot of time with me and my siblings, and even made surprise visits to our schools during the day to make sure we were making wise choices. No, we are not talking apples to apples here anymore. Society has stepped in to rob our preteens of their innocent relationships, and we as parents have to step up even more to guide and protect them.
The ideal time to start having open conversations about dating is prior to sixth grade. Either scenario can cause you to cringe, but take a deep breath and consider how your reaction in this moment will impact your relationship with your child in the years ahead. There are many factors to be considered — including age, maturity, values, and boundaries. Middle school-age children do not have a fully developed prefrontal cortex, and they are still relying on another part of their brain — the amygdala — to make decisions. While the prefrontal cortex allows us to rationalize using logic, the amygdala drives emotional decision making think fight or flight. Everyone remembers their first love interest, the first time they held hands with a boyfriend or girlfriend, and especially their first kiss.
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