How to handle dating rejection

I Take Dating Rejections Way Too Personally, And I Know I’m Not The Only One

The world of dating and relationships has so many highs, but rejection is definitely one of the most brutal lows. Rejection makes us feel pretty awful about ourselves and can often send us spiralling down a self-critical rabbit hole. We gain self-esteem from our connections in life — both from friendships and romantic relationships — because they help us feel likeable and loved. We might question whether we did something wrong or what it says about us as a person. So how do we overcome this in a positive way? Particularly when it makes us feel so rubbish. Perhaps the most important thing to do after any rejection is to accept how you are feeling. There have been numerous studies that show ignoring our emotions can have negative impacts on our physical and mental health. The right person will appreciate you for who you are. So it could be a good idea to take a step back and ask yourself what learnings you can take with you going forward.

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Illustration by Holly Warburton. Edited by Matt Huston. Last time I tried and failed, it shut me down for years. If it happens again, I would not be able to handle it. I was sitting with one of my clients, a smart and especially kind guy. As a clinical psychologist who specialises in social anxiety, I do a lot of work related to the experience and fear of rejection.

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Amy Marschall is an autistic clinical psychologist with ADHD, working with children and adolescents who also identify with these neurotypes among others. Rejection is when we seek out a connection and the object of that connection turns us down. All people experience forms of rejection throughout their lives, whether they are turned down for a job they wanted, turned down for a date, or experience a friend or romantic partner ending their relationship.

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How to handle rejection

All my relationships have ended with the guy either ghosting or dumping me. The hardest thing happens after all this, after the drinks and the sex, and the picnics and the hangovers, and the pasta at yours, and the meeting his dog. People — sane people, beautiful people, normal, intelligent, healthy people — can be derailed for months, even years, by a dismissal like this, regardless of how much they liked the person doing the dismissal. With practice, you can learn to distinguish your own self-worth from a romantic rejection. Like a baby or an argument, a relationship requires two people.

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