Dating race

The uncomfortable racial preferences revealed by online dating

There have been countless examples of postrefracism with people being told to 'go home' and called racially abusive names. But this racism, and in its lesser form as microaggressions , has always been there in one form or another, especially in the dating world. I first wrote about my experiences of fetishisation on Tinder as a black mixed-race person just over year ago. Since then, I have removed myself from the app, received many unsolicited Facebook requests from men who had 'read my article and just wanted to say hey', and, quite happily, found myself back together with an ex-boyfriend. But while my forays into the online dating world are halted at present, for many the struggles are still ongoing. Charlie Brinkhurst-Cuff. Being an ethnic minority in the UK is always going to make you stand out. As a little girl, rather than feeling isolated because of my brownness, often it made me feel unique. When I got older, however, and became one of the last in my friendship group to kiss a boy, I started to realise that there might be something about my race that was making me 'undesirable'. The feeling of being passed over because of your race - and intrinsically the stereotypes associated with your race - is not a nice one.

REGISTER TO VIEW

Dating preferences refers to the preferences that individuals have towards a potential partner when approaching the formation of a romantic relationship. This concept is related to mate choice in humans , the research literature there primarily discusses the preference for traits that are evolutionarily desirable, such as physical symmetry, waist-to-chest ratio, and waist-to-hip ratio. Dating preferences, differs in that there are often social mechanisms that explain phenomena, rather than strictly evolutionary. Recent research has found that people seek romantic partners who exhibit their ideal preferences. However, other authors have found that the preferences people report on the dimensions of physical attractiveness, earning prospects, and personability do not align with the characteristics of the people they genuinely seek when forming new relationships.

REGISTER TO VIEW

Of course having a racial bias makes you racist! While it is true that racial preferences in dating can be a result of fetishization and stereotyping, it is also true that they can be employed by people of color to combat white supremacy.

REGISTER TO VIEW

What it's like for ethnic minorities dating online

A few years ago, my former roommate, her friend, and I were bemoaning the state of online dating. At some point, my then-roomie and I — both women of color — segued into how white guys who exclusively dated BIPOC women of a certain race made us wary. Did they really like these women as unique humans, or were they just fetishizing them? Her friend, a white dude, stayed quiet throughout most of our exchange.

REGISTER TO VIEW

REGISTER TO VIEW