Dating a special needs person

Disability and dating: 'Why do people think I'm my boyfriend's carer?'

John Loeppky is a freelance journalist based in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada, who has written about disability and health for outlets of all kinds. Verywell Loved is an ongoing series on the dating and relationship topics people are talking about, with personal stories and expert advice to help you better understand your own experiences. David Carter has never lacked confidence when it has come to dating, especially not before becoming disabled at age For him, being rejected was just a reason to move on and ask someone else he was interested in. But after his injury, the ability to be confident took on entirely new significance. The relationship they were in when they became disabled falls apart, they struggle to find their footing, and then they find someone, usually while participating in a hobby. For David, that meant meeting his wife Brittany at a workshop at the Shepherd Centre, one of the most well-known rehabilitation hospitals in the country. Carter says that being part of para-sport really pushed him towards seeing himself as desirable, albeit in a rather blunt way: by teammates telling him to take the initiative and talk to people. Everybody wants to pat you on the shoulder and play pity party over where I live, and I'm not for that. Recent research in Sexuality and Disability confirms that disabled people—particularly young people—are at a clear disadvantage when it comes to dating.

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Dating is complicated at the best of times, but social stigma means dating someone with a disability is rarely discussed. After Hannah and wheelchair user Shane Burcaw spoke out over online comments dismissing their relationship, we spoke to other couples about their experiences. After Hannah and Shane recently tied the knot at an intimate home ceremony, they shared a photo of the day on social media. The reason, YouTubers Shane and Hannah believe, is because he's disabled and she's not. Shane has spinal muscular atrophy and has used a wheelchair since he was two. The couple, who live in Minneapolis, Minnesota, tell BBC Three that the knee-jerk response reflects how misinformed many people still are towards disability and dating. Shane, 28, says the lack of positive representation often made him feel like he "would never find a partner".

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No two conditions or individual experiences are the same, so all disabilities come with their own host of unique challenges—especially when it comes to dating and letting someone know what exactly they might be signing up for. Should you include it in your profile, and risk turning off a bunch of potential matches before they even finish reading your bio? Do you wait until the first date? Try to bring it up in casual conversation before an in-person meeting?

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Dare to Ask: Is it OK to date someone mentally disabled?

Due to the nature of disabilities, you may feel that your partner with a disability is not deserving of love. Consequently, you may feel you are doing them a favor by loving them. However, nothing is further from the truth.

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